Most of my life I was brought up Catholic--I'd go to the same Catholic church just about every Sunday, as well as go to Sunday school. In second grade I was "baptized" and received communion, starting my journey to be confirmed into the Catholic church. I couldn't really tell you much of what I learned all those years I went to church, and I didn't even really know how to find a book in the Bible, let alone tell you what any of the books were.
My freshman year in high school my boyfriend asked me to go to church with a mutual friend of ours one Wednesday night. I went with them, and when we got there, the youth group was playing Bible trivia. I was pretty nervous to be in a new church, especially since I didn't know anyone there other than my boyfriend, his brother, and our mutual friend--but even more nervous because I was afraid of not knowing any of the answers to the trivia questions.
I didn't know one single answer to one single question that they asked that night. I felt pretty lame and pretty dumb for not knowing anything about the Bible, especially since I had gone to church all my life. I decided to go to a Sunday service at this church, and it was like a completely different world to me. Never before had I actually heard a sermon from the Bible, never before had I heard the preacher yell and go crazy about what he was saying, and never before had I heard anything about being "saved." It took me a really long time to figure out what being saved meant because I didn't want to look silly and ask someone else what it meant.
A couple years passed, and I didn't really agree with what was going on in that particular church, so one Wednesday night I went with my boyfriend's brother to a different church. That particular night there was a student giving his "testimony" (another term I hadn't heard of before), telling us what God had been doing in his life and how God had changed his life. While I was listening to him speak, my stomach started to flutter and I started feeling so..strange. I felt like I was being pulled, yanked in different directions, but I didn't understand what the feeling was all about. I just kept listening to the words he was saying, and I started questioning myself. I believed in God, I knew there was a God, wasn't I "saved?" Wasn't that all there was to being saved--just believing there is a God? I was going to Heaven right? I do all the things I should do, I have good morals, I'm a good person, isn't that enough to get to Heaven?
The invitation came and went, and my emotions were building up so much inside I just wanted to cry. I never said anything to anyone that night about what I was feeling--I didn't ask anyone all the questions I had--I just ignored the feeling, or tried to at least.
A few days later, I still had the same feelings as I did that Wednesday night. It was so overwhelming one night when I was in my room that I couldn't handle the feeling anymore because I realized what was going on. Clearly, I wasn't saved. I thought I knew God, but He didn't know me. I never formally introduced myself to Him, I never gave Him control of my life, I never waved the white flag, I never asked Him to save me from myself. That night in my room, I caved--I didn't want to control my life anymore, I didn't want to go another second without knowing who God really is.
April 9, 2007 I realized I was lost, but God found me =) It completely blows my mind to know that I went to church all my life, went through all the motions, sang all the songs, listened to all the scriptures and yet I was completely lost the entire time. Not once had I thought about where I would spend eternity because I thought just believing there was a God and doing good things would get me there; not once had I understood the meaning of what it really meant to be baptized. It took me 17 years to realize that where I stood spiritually would be where I would spend the rest of my life--apart from God.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found; was blind, but now I see."
"Jesus told him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."
John 14:6
" I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life."
John 6:47
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=op4n0EF3PdU
I encourage all of you to listen to this song--the words are so true. Even in the darkest of times, God shines His light so bright, you'd be crazy not to follow Him!
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